FilmFlicking

Lucifer_666 · Site Joined: 27 Jul 2007 Posts: 12791

good one

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kelbella · Posted: Fri Jul 25, 2008 11:02 am Post subject:

MAN WALKS INTO PHARMACY AND ASKS WHERE THE TAMPONS? PHARMACIST REPLIES OVER BY THE COTTON WOOL. THE GUY COMES WITH COTTON WOOL AND TOILET ROLL. PHARMACIST SAYS THOUGHT YOU WANTED TAMPONS? THE MAN REPLIES I ASKED HER TO GET ME FAGS AND SHE GOT ME BACCY AND RIZLAS INSTEAD. SO 2NITE SHE CAN ROLL HER FUCKIN OWN

kelbella · Posted: Fri Jul 25, 2008 11:03 am Post subject:

HIS AND HER DIARY
PAGE. WEDNESDAY 21ST NOVE

HERS.
HE WAS QUITE, SUBDUED, JUST NOT HIMSELF. SOMETHING WAS WRONG, HE HASN'T KISSED ME ALL NITE. NOT EVEN LOOKED IN MY DIRECTION. I THINK IT'S ANOTHER WOMEN. I WENT 2 BED AND CRIED. HE FOLLOWED ME UP L8R. I CUDDLED UP 2 HIM AND STROKED HIS HAIR. HE LAY STILL. EVENTUALL WE MADE LOVE AND FELL ASLEEP IN EACH OTHER ARMS

HIS
ENGLAND LOST, FUCKING GUTTED, GOT A SHAG THOUGHT!

kelbella · Posted: Fri Jul 25, 2008 11:04 am Post subject:

A CUCUMBER, A PICKLE AND A PENIS WHERE TALKING ABOUT LIFE!! THE CUCUMBER SAID, WHEN I GET BIG AND HARD THEY CHOP ME UP AND TOSS ME IN TO A SALAD, THE PICKLE SAYS, U GOT IT EASY MATE, WHEN I GET BIG AND HARD THEY CHOP ME UP AND DROWN ME IN VINEGAR!! THE PENIS SAYS , LADS THAT NOTHING COMPARED 2 WHAT I GO THRO, WHEN I GET BIG AND HARD!! THEY PUT A PLASTIC BAG OVER MY HEAD, SHOVE ME IN 2 A SMALL, WARM DAMP CAVE, BANG MY HEAD AGAINST A WALL UNTILL I THROW UP AND FAINT

Lucifer_666 · Site Joined: 27 Jul 2007 Posts: 12791

Good ones

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big aundy · Site Joined: 31 Jul 2007 Posts: 4066 Location: scotland

love hearing your jokes kel there well funny ,
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" rest in pppppeeeaaassseeeee."

big aundy · Site Joined: 31 Jul 2007 Posts: 4066 Location: scotland

Did you hear about the fellow that was talking to his buddy, when he said, "I don't know what to get my wife for her birthday. She has everything, and besides, she can afford to buy anything she wants. So, I'm stumped." His buddy said, "I have an idea. Why don't you make up a certificate that says she can have two hours of great sex, any way she wants it. She'll probably be thrilled!" So the first fella did just that. The next day his buddy asked, "Well, did you take my suggestion? How did it turn out?" "She loved it. She jumped up, thanked me, kissed me on the mouth, and ran out the door yelling, 'I'll see you in two hours'."

Murphy's Law in Sex

1.The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings.

2.Nothing improves with age.

3.No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered take it, because it'll never be quite the same again.

4.Sex has no calories.

5.Sex takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble.

6.There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

7.Sex appeal is 50% what you've got and 50% what people think you've got.

8.No sex with anyone in the same office.

9.Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you are going to get or how long it is going to last.

10.A man in the house is worth two in the street.

11.If you get them by the balls, their hearts and minds will follow.

12.Virginity can be cured.

13.When a man's wife learns to understand him, she usually stops listening to him.

14.Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.

15.The qualities that most attract a woman to a man are usually the same ones she can't stand years later.

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These days, safe sex isn't just a good idea, it's a matter of life and death. Here are some valuable tips to help you "play it safe"...

Do not blow dealers for crack; blow regular citizens for cash, then buy the crack directly.

Think about parents' nude bodies during foreplay; resultant loss of erection will prevent potential unsafe sex.

Don't fall for lines like, "God protects his servants in the clergy from harm."

Do not, no matter how much peers may pressure you, allow anyone to get to third base with you.

Before unsafe sex, think to yourself what the kids will look like.

Make sure all open sores on penis have thoroughly dried and scabbed over before use.

When taking four cocks in the ass, make sure to have an equal amount of the big bad kaber in your mouth to reduce the risk of CHI imbalance.

Before fellating anonymous man in back room of bar, be sure to ask, "You don't have AIDS, do you?"

Douse penis liberally with D-Con roach spray before penetrating ape.

You CAN get it from kissing... tear out partner's tongue before any mouth-to-mouth contact.

To prevent radiation exposure, use only lead-based condoms.

If you must engage in unsafe sex, take time out before hand to hope for the best.

Before the use of condoms, unroll completely and check for any holes.
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" rest in pppppeeeaaassseeeee."

Lucifer_666 · Site Joined: 27 Jul 2007 Posts: 12791

nice
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big aundy · Site Joined: 31 Jul 2007 Posts: 4066 Location: scotland

thought they'd appeal to you bud lol
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" rest in pppppeeeaaassseeeee."

Lucifer_666 · Site Joined: 27 Jul 2007 Posts: 12791

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